🐒 Jungle Activity Prompts Monkey Advisory Near Diner

Posted by: Playfair Department of Animal Affairs and Playfair Department of Public Safety
Date: May 4, 2025

In response to continued overgrowth near Carousel Lane and Pine Street, the Department of Public Safety has issued a formal monkey advisory following multiple sightings of small, agile primates in and around Marigold Diner.

Residents are reminded of the following:

• Do not offer food, eye contact, or emotional support to the monkeys.

• Avoid mimicking their gestures, especially if they gesture first.

• Do not follow them, even if they seem to know your route home.

While the origin of the jungle remains undetermined, current consensus among residents places it geographically in the Congo, with the exception of Earl Malley, who maintains it is “clearly Amazonian” and has constructed a helpful elevation map from string cheese wrappers to prove it.

The Stabilization Crew remains unaccounted for. Town officials assure the public that extended displacements during foliage-based anomalies are “well within procedural tolerance.” Recovery is expected when, or if, the foliage releases them voluntarily.

Further updates will follow once the perimeter is deemed narratively safe.

As always,
Everything is Fine.