🌸 Public Notice: Pollen Advisory Issued

Posted by: Playfair Department of Public Safety
Date: May 8, 2025

This morning, residents may have noticed a fine purple pollen coating cars, buildings, and walkways throughout town. The substance has been reported in all districts and is currently mostly — probably — non-hazardous, provided it is not inhaled, touched directly, looked at for too long, or spoken to.

At this time, the origin of the pollen remains unclear, and no known trees or plants in the area have been identified as responsible. In fact, the Playfair Horticulture Society has issued a formal statement that “the trees want nothing to do with this.”

Out of an abundance of caution, the Department of Public Safety recommends the following:

• Avoid touching the pollen with bare hands

• If the pollen glows, do not observe it for more than 30 seconds

• If the pollen forms symbols, twirl around three times and then look away

• Residents experiencing intense memories that do not belong to them should hydrate and remain indoors

If you do come into contact with the pollen, take an antihistamine and remain where you are. Decontamination crews will be deployed to your location as soon as possible.

Crews have already begun non-invasive neutralization procedures, which are expected to be moderately effective.

Thank you for your cooperation as we ensure a safe and respectful response to this minor atmospheric curiosity.

Everything is Fine. No, really. It is.