Seasonal Topiary Shifts & Public Calm

Posted by: Playfair Department of Parks and Environmental Harmony
Date: May 10, 2025

Due to ongoing Seasonal Stabilization effects, residents may observe minor topiary repositioning in public parks and green spaces.

While certain shrubs and hedges may appear to move, there is currently no confirmation of autonomous activity. Unusual formations are likely caused by fog, wind, or public imagination.

To avoid unnecessary disruption, please follow the Shrub Awareness Protocol:

• Do not trim or sculpt shrubbery that was not there yesterday.

• Avoid assigning names or emotional roles to moving foliage.

• If a hedge blocks your path, consider taking the long way around.

• Maintain polite indifference in the presence of particularly symmetrical growth.

Wilmer Park remains open to the public, though areas with active vegetative drift are currently unmarked.

The Department of Parks and Environmental Harmony would like to remind residents:
Just because something appears to be watching you doesn’t mean it is.
And if it is — please don’t wave.

Everything is Fine. Even the plants. Especially the plants.